Jokes Junction

A snake goes into his doctors office and says Doctor I cant find my glasses
so the doctor get him a new pair and the snake goes home Happy
about 4 days later the doctor Sees the snake heading for Mental Health department
the doctor goes up to him and asks whats wrong you can tell me
the snake looks up and says I was happy until I went home that night from youR office
the doctor looks puzzled
the snake goes you gave me this new hidef lenses
and I found out my girlfriend is just a rope

Good one, Cyd.

Sorry mod's if this joke seems inapropriate, feel free to remove if it is ... but I thought it was quite funny!

There was a man, he went to the bar down the street and asked the bartender for 10 shots of whiskey. That bartender looks at the man and asks:
" What's the matter?"

The guys looks at the bartender as he says:
"I just found out my brother was gay, and he is going to marry my best friend."

The next day, the same man comes into the bar and this time he askes the bartender for 12 shots of whiskey. The bartender looks at the man again as he asks:
" What happened this time?"

The man simply replies:
" I just found out my son is gay."

The day after that the same man comes into the bar once more and this time asking for 15 shots of whisky. Tha bartender sees the man and finally asks:
" Doesn't anyone in your family like woman?!"

The guy slowly looks at the bartender as he simply replies:
"Apparantly my wife does."

good one Alex

Ok, I just got this one from a friend and haaaaaaaad to share...LOL!

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.


'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

haha
very funny

I just got this via email and had to share:



It's a Punny World -- Be Strong

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.""That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...And pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)...A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

19. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Some Halloween humor:
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... passing a grave yard. .

when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...


BUMP...


Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.



BUMP...


BUMP...



BUMP...


Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, as the casket is bouncing quickly behind him...


FASTER...


FASTER....


BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...


He runs up to his door, and fumbles with his keys, and he opens the door and rushes in, and slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs upstairs into the bathroom, and the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the bathroom door.Bumping and clapping it's coming toward him.

The man screams and in desperation he reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of Robitussin!
In a panic he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,




(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)


The coffin stops.